Scraps of Memory

He knew that he would forget all of the details and might one day need them to tell his story. A simple journal was not confidential enough. Once found, it exposed inner thoughts that were misinterpreted and threw his life into another unwanted maelstrom. Writing in secret became a tool that allowed him to release the memories that were trapped inside his mind, heart and gut. Words were scratched onto scraps of paper that were stashed quickly in drawers, under dressers, tucked away in hard to find places. The passages were sometimes written in a neutral tone. If found inadvertently, they could mean a number of things and not necessarily point to the issue at heart. Sometimes the thoughts were a detailed testimony of events, what was said and how it went down. Writing became a refuge. He didn’t do it everyday or on a regular basis, but when the words came, he jotted them down in secret and stashed them away. The page became a sanctuary where all of the pain and joy of his life could be shared like a prayer with God. It frightened him at times to expose these inner thoughts, but he knew that his memory would fade and the story should be shared one day. Revealing the truth of his life, sharing the feelings that he could never talk about except on those scraps of paper, would set him free.

— MCW